been a while

I dont even know what to say anymore.

I do know that I hate the Holidays though. I just got back from a trip to PA. to visit my grandparents. It was one of the worse trips in my entire life. No one got along at all. it was one big fight.

I guess thats what happens when you put 10 grandchildren, 3 great grandchildrean and 8 adults together that are only used to being around not many people at all.

oh well whatever.

not only that, i missed jay so much. and the day i come back he was off to florida to visit his dad for the holdidays.

i left my grandmas early, to come home to a freezing cold house. i dont understand how it could be so cold. well i guess i do, i had no heat for 2 days. thats what jay said. so the maitnance man was just here fixing it. yay, theres heat now, i can live again.

lol.

tomorrow, is going to suck. my family has had enough of each other, they are going to start stabbing one another tomorrow. yep..they might.

and then i come home to an empty apartment, and dont get to see jay until the 28th. thats almost 10 days. scary.

im scared

of so many things. things with jay and i are going so well. im afraid that something will get messed up, and it will probably be my fault. it always is.

i havent written in a while, and i was debating about whether or not i should even renue my shit, cause i didnt think it was worth it, and to tell you the truth, i am so poor right now, i cant even afford food, or gas for my car. i suck. but i read some of my favorites, and i just couldnt see giving that up. it didnt seem right.

so here i am, back again.

but im going to go cause i have a really bad headache, and my sister wants me to go shopping. so i hope everyone has a good holiday.