friends

I dont know what I would do without them. I really only have one. only one that I have hung out with since I got back here. thats lori. but then there are people that I am becoming friends with that she hangs out with so thats cool.

Amanda has been calling me. but I just dont like hanging out with her, she wants me to hook up with all these people and I just dont want to. I dont need that right now, its the last thing that I need.

I cried a lot today. Yesterday was a really bad day. I just didnt have a good day. Everyone was yelling at me and mad at me, and for what reason I dont know. I just dont know what I did wrong, I dont ever do anything wrong, yet they’re always mad anyway.

My mom was yelling at me and being mean, my sister was mad because I got home at 5am which meant I slept until 10am. I mean what the fuck. My dad is mad because I dont have a job yet. My other sister didnt want to give me money to take her son to see a movie, and then she was mad because I was going to bring him back home after 10pm. I didnt set the table right, I didnt get enough plates, I didnt keep all the kids out of the way, I didnt get enough chairs, I didnt get to eat my food because I had mathew in my lap. I hate them all.

And amanda never told me happy birthday, which I dont really care, but she also didnt call and she was suppose to go with me to the movie. which I guess doesnt matter either because allen, mike, lori, and ashley went with anyway. Both my brothers didnt tell me happy birthday, my dad didnt tell me until 7pm.

This morning, nathan was horrible, alexis was crabby, mathew was sick and crying. And I had a splitting headache, my sister had a headache. and I was just very pissy, and my brother ate all my cereal that I bought and nathan punched alexis and so I got pissed, and told my brother “thanks for eating all my cereal” and he said “well excuse me, maybe you should put your fuckin name on it” and I said “maybe I should” and he said “youre such a fuckin bitch, no wonder kirk left you, go back to st louis where you belong, no one fuckin wants you here anyway” and I called him a fuckin asshole and told him to get a job and move out if he didnt want me here, and he threw the cereal at me spilling the rest of it, so I yelled “fuckin pick it up asshole” and he called me a fuckin bitch again and told me to die.

And you know what, I really think that maybe I should just die because it would make it easier on everyone. And I mean EVERYONE.

I dont understand what Ive done wrong. to anyone. everyone..blah. no one wants me, no matter where I am, they all just want me to leave. I dont get it.

well, nathan will be leaving soon, and he asked me to go upstairs and play with him so I guess I will.

Lori and I are going out with everyone tonight, probably drinking. good, I can drink all my feelings away. nice. no one cares.

well..yea..bye.