little explanation.

I guess its time to explain some things.

During the time that I didnt write, my boyfriend/fiance, and I were living together in st louis. I never felt I had anything really to say, cause anything I needed to say I just didnt want anyone to know.

Well, we broke up, he went back to Florida and I came back to Chicago.

I guess I wasnt the person I thought that I was. I couldnt handle living on my own. Im told I was never really on my own anyway, I guess I just never looked at it that way. I liked to believe that I was, it always made me feel better.

I left Chicago to get away from everything, I felt I had to leave in order to get better. But Im also told that leaving never got me any better, I dont believe that though. Because I am not the person that I was. There was certain things about being away from here and being there, that helped me.

I havent been here long. We broke up about 3 weeks ago. I miss him, very much. But im not broken about it. Im very suprised about that. We are still friends, we still talk. That is really important to me. I think that we had a good relationship while it lasted, and we ended while it was still good. So that is another plus.

Anyway, so Ive been in chicago for like 3 days now. Ive gotten down, a couple of times. There are just so many things I miss, like my privacy, aloneness, him, my shower…hehehe. And so I think its normal to get down.

But, now I have other things. Like, my nephew..nathan..who needs all the love he can get, and has been wanting me to move back. and, then theres mathew..who just adores me. It makes me very happy to know that the minute he gets here, he has to make sure that I am home, and awake. He keeps asking me “are you going home now” because I always used to go back to st louis after a couple of days. The other day I went out with someone, I left while he was napping, and when he woke up he was very upset that I had left, he thought I had gone home. I brought him home a gift type thing, and so he was happy about that, and extremely happy I was still here. And, last..there is my niece, who is really annoying, likes to eat all my foot, slap me, and headbutt me..but she is very cute, and smiles all the time.

Overall, I think that I am doing pretty well here so far. Im not looking for a job yet. Really Im just getting used to being here and relaxing while I can. It feels like its been a while. And I think that I need it. Ive also been catching up with some of my friend which is really nice. I didnt think that I really had any, but it turns out that I have a couple.

In some ways I am really disappointed that I am back here. And in other ways I am just glad to be back. I feel comfortable here sometimes.

though, the kids are driving me insane. 🙂

well, Im going to go now.