Cant decide..

ARGH. I really dont know what to do with myself.

I dont know what to write here either. I hate when I just write to write. Its so retarded. Maybe I should just go write in my journal.

Yea, so my boyfriend came to visit me last week. I had a really good time. I dont even know how to write about it. It was just really good.

And now, here I am..all alone. Im here in st louis all alone, he is in florida. My roommate is in chicago.

I really dont like being alone at all..In an empty apartment. I dont like sleeping alone, or showering when no one else is here. I dont like coming home to nothing. its just not fun. I dont like it.

I dont have to work this week, but I told my boss that I would fill in for her two of these days.

I went to class this morning. And I found out that I dont have class on thursday this week and I also dont have it on tuesday next week. Luckie me. Hehe. I missed two days last week.

Oh well. I still need to go to the art museum to do this paper on the van gogh painting. I cant wait..haha..the painting wont be the bad part..its the paper Im dreading.

I thought that I was getting a D in my class..but it turns out that I am getting a B. Its still not as good as I could do, I could be getting an A. I guess I just need to study more.

And, well my car and I, we are officially enemies. I will no longer be nice to it, because it is not nice to me. Battle time.

I dont know if I should drive to chicago tomorrow. I want to, but then I was just there last week with my boyfriend. But this time I could stay longer. Still though, Im not sure if I could handle them any longer. When my boyfriend and I went, we were only there for 2 days and I went insane..nto really. but yea.

Hm..my boyfriend and I took my baby nephew (mathew) to the park when we were in Chicago, hehe and it was a lot of fun. I wish we could do it more.

Hell, I wish him and I could be together more. But whatever, a day for that will come I am sure.

Anyway, um before I say too much stupid shit I am going to go.

*rubs against your ankles*

Sometimes it’s important to be OK with ourselves. Wow, I love the idea of just being able to drive to Chicago. Hell, being able to drive anywhere for that matter. When you live in Alaska, you really don’t have that option. If I were you I’d have a nice date with myself, with a really nice meal where you sit down at the table with candles or take a bath and listen to music you really enjoy.

This may sound corny, but when you do it, it feels really good, because you realize that you aren’t doing this for anyone but you. YOU know what YOU like, so you don’t have to be concerned with someone else’s agenda. It could be any kind of date idea that you may do with someone else, but only you have to know what it is. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

[marxist]

March 28, 2001

if you want i’ll go to the art mueseum with you.

I didn’t read anything stupid in your entry, honey. I’m sorry that you are lonely. I wish I could do something to help.

*smile* that wasn’t stupid shit…actually, that’s a cool entry. i totally understand what you mean about being alone…i hate it too. ugh! but, hey-my roomy left. i’m stuck *laughs* my car takes a shit on me too…let’s start the “our-cars-can-go-to-hell” club *grin* have fun…

RYN: I know you do, honey. If ever you start feeling that way again, just come back and read the entry again, and know that I mean that for you just as well. {{{hugs}}}

long distance never works….

happy easter