whatever is left..

a year ago I started this diary. And now I hardly even write.

I never know what to say. Though I know that I could say a lot.

I felt myself losing my life again over the weekend. When I say losing it, I mean to depression.

I just didnt care anymore to fight it off, and I cut. Its been a while and it felt so nice.

Ugh, horrible. I cant even write anything anymore I just dont know how to word it.

Yesterday, I got in bed around 1pm and I didnt get out until around like 7 or 8 and then my roommate used my computer to do her homework and I got back in bed for a couple hours. I dont even want to be up.

I Dont want to go to work, I cant do my damn homework, dont want to go to class anyway. I really should be studying because I have my first test coming up soon.

So what is it I should do. I know I should go and get help but I dont want to.

I guess I’ll keep trying to help myself. I need to start doing a better job of it though, because I dont think cutting counts as helping myself..

My roommate and I realized this weekend that if we ever did kill ourselves, like together, no one would even find us for a while.

No one would notice..I dont talk to anyone daily for them to notice. Isnt that a little sad?

I think so, but then again..I dont know.

arrrrrrrrgh, I wish I could write like I used to. whats wrong with me.