when you make decisions..

I really hate making decisions about things. Anything actually. Mainly probably because I always think about how the other people will feel about my decisions.

I mean, you know when you decide what movie to see, or what to do later that night. I always think to myself, well what if they dont want that.

There always come a time though, when you *need* to make a decision. Cause if you dont you’re just holding things off that maybe shouldnt be.

I just cant decide. I cant think of a rite answer to this problem. I go one way..and Im stuck where I am at. I go another way, and I could either move forward, or fall back deeper.

But see, thats all my choice. If I decide to go the one way, yea I could be stuck, or I could help make things different.

Or, If I go the other way, I can keep myself from falling back, or I can make myself fall back.

AAAAAAAAAACKKKKKKKK!!!

I hate life. Just to let everyone know. I know..Im a retard.

Its not all the important. And Im sure a couple people reading this will know what I am talking about.

I dont think I even want to save this, maybe I will delete it, who knows.

I went to bed last night at like 11 or 11:30. Well I went into bed..and I wrote in my journal and I cried. Whats new with that though.

And I just kind of cried myself to sleep. It didnt matter..it doesnt matter. it thunderstormed too, at like 3am i guess. it felt nice to listen to.

I did cut the other night. I think it was sat. night. Not a lot. But enough to get me started again.

What can I say, I love the feeling. I love cutting myself..I cant help it. UGH.

I dont know.

I almost just want to say forget everything I have started lately. Forget school, work, getting better.

Sometimes I just want to fall back into my depression. But thats just stupid. Im stupid for that.

god, if only……i dont know.