sorry..

I was wondering earlier why it is that..I cant help anyone. I never do anything for anyone that can help them or comfort them or anything like that.

Id ask someone why this is. But Im afraid that I am the only one who can really answer this question.

I dont know how you’re suppose to comfort someone. I dont know how you’re suppose to show someone you care. I dont know how to do any of that. I wish I did know though.

I hate to blame everything on my family. But I do believe this is why I dont know how to do any of that. My family was never close. Defenately never affectionate. If something bothered one of us..or hurt us..or anything like that..we couldnt go to our parents..Because they didnt offer us any support or comfort. Isnt this where you learn all that? Isnt that where you learn to comfort, love, care, give?

I always envied those of my friends who’s parents were actually there for them through everything. Through every tear, heartbreak, scratched knee’s, broken bones. I got yelled at when I fell off my bike, I got yelled at when I was upset cause a friend and I had a fight. They were never there for me, no one was actually..I never had any close friends I thought I could talk to.

Not up until 6th grade. And Now, she doesnt talk to me much because her boyfriend doesnt like me. What a shame, to waste such a friendship on a guy that is only an ass anyway. It hurts a lot too. Everything hurts.

It really is a wonder that I know how to or what “love” is. If I was ever shown any it was very early in my years. I cant remember a time when me and my parents ever said “i love you” er anything remotely like that. I remember in school when we had to write stupid things for our parents on holidays..and everyone was writing, “love” “i love you mom and dad” … I was staring blankly at my paper trying to fine any words but those ones. I usually ended it with a heart..and my name. Never an I love you, or love always. That just wasnt what I wanted to say to them. And wasnt what they wanted to say to me..so everything worked out even.

But is that my fault? Should I even care about any of that.

I dont know. Im sorry to anyone who needs me..or who has needed me. Sorry I cant be there in the way that I should be.

anything that has to do w/ ur familie is not ur fault, u didnt make them act how they did. and u do kno how to be there for people, maybe u just feel like u should be doing more. but for sum things, no one can do

that’s alright, this is a problem so many people have…it’s just too bad that your mom and dad never really said “i love you” to you. how…unfortunate 🙁 but things seem to have turned out for you emotionally.

(cont.) which is a good thing-you seem to be well rounded, to me anyway. 🙂 later…

(cont. from 1st note b/c od is mean) anything or say anything to make it better. and if there was sumthing u could do, u kno that u would be doing it.

and i dont think ur parents saying they love u would have changed anything unless they treated u differently. words mean nothing.