If I could see you….

If I could see you Son I would give you a tight hug….if I knew where you were I would wish you happy birthday!

When you came into this world I was only 21….your sister was 17 months old and we lived over Elva and Ted.

I couldn’t believe that now I had my boy and girl…..you were such a quiet baby…..I used to tickle your toes to get you to keep nursing. 

My little "hit the dirt" kid…. the little businessman in blue jeans, lugging double paper bags up and down the stairs of the apartment building where you convinced your customers to take double! orders of the newspaper so you could win a newspaper contest…

The agony you went thru as a young teenager to deal with aplastic anemia….the bone marrow aspirations you endured…the embarrassment of being "different" (sick) in school…pushed thru this disease process as your father and I pushed thru our own disease process of divorce.

How did all this shape you as an adult….your sweet little wife losing our first baby….the agony and pain you and she went thru, the guilt you felt that you both had done something wrong….all misunderstood.

You have said in the past you hate your father when in fact you are just like him….only thing I will never stop loving you!

How did we lose our relationship? over a concern that your Grandmother did not have a headstone?  I told you to talk to your aunts, they were in charge, that’s when you hung up on me….and I haven’t heard from you since….I have tried, but then your sister  and brother tell me you are fine…I hope you are fine I love you so much, time and life is short.  I realize but know this I love you and miss you and think about you and send you healing light.  Happy 39th Birthday.

P.S.  I still have your copies of Go Away Dog and Goodnight moon….your favorite books…and ….