dog days of february

My agent emailed to say Fox and CBS had both passed, so there’s that. On to the basic cable channels. Again, basic cable is where I wanted to start with but they have to go to the networks just on the chance that it might happen there. I’m a little bummed out about it nevertheless.
I actually woke up feeling quite bummed out. Anxious this morning for some reason. Well, not just some reason. The pain in my leg. I had a nerve block on Tuesday that so far has seemed to do nothing to help. My pain’s not that significant. It’s more to do with the fact that my once active and athletic life is on hold for now and it’s kind of hard to imagine that it will ever be any different. I’ve been in constant pain from mild to severe for over a year now so I’m just worn out. I try to get help around the house — unemployed friends who owe me money. They generally flake and are unreliable. I have to beg for rides places. D can’t do it all — he’s got a full time job. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s time to put my dog to sleep. He’s old, senile, pees everywhere. There’s no life in his eyes. Sad to say the biggest factor in all this is I can’t take care of him and I can’t get help taking care of him. It’s not even about money. He gets up at 5:30, 6AM wanting to be walked. He won’t go back to sleep until someone takes him out and then feeds him. Otherwise he just wanders the house peeing on things. You can’t hire a dog walker to come at 5:30 in the morning. Doesn’t exist.
My mom called from Tampa. She hates it there. She wants to move again. She’s sick, can’t breathe and is having lots of dental troubles. It feels like a lot. Maybe this is normal. I don’t know. I didn’t expect my middle age to be this awful. I’ve got a lot of friends who are homeless now. Lots of uninsured and unemployed friends. Do I associate with losers or are they just victims of this economy? I’m not sure but things have been getting worse and worse for me and everyone I know for the last five years. I have a few successful friends. But they’re the exception to the rule. A student of mine hit me up for money a couple of weeks ago. That was a first. 
I am having a hard time today. Just a plain old hard time.