…is that bad?

Felt really worn out after teaching yesterday. I forgot my Advil and my ice pack and my lumbar support and after three hours my dogs were barking. I came home and got in bed and that was that. This morning I went for my two mile walk, felt still pretty sore so I stayed in for the rest of the day watching MST3K on Netflix while dozing on mid-day ambien. Is that bad? Mid day ambien? It’s pretty much a depresso move — sleep all day. I had this theory, though. If I lay on my left side in the fetal position with the pillows all just so it takes the pressure off my sciatic nerve. I told myself that If I stayed like that for four hours the disc herniation would slip back into place by 10%. I base that totally on wishful thinking. Well, there’s a theory that disc herniations might move back into the Annulus a little bit. A vacuum mechanism and gravity would be the key factors here.

The Effexor is kicking in. Last night we watched 30 Rock and The Office and I laughed. It was the first time I’ve laughed in about a month. I find myself humming songs — odd songs like the "Dennis Moore" song from Monty Python (I’m not that kind of nerd — well I sort of am, but not publicly). I’m also having the shiver-me-timbers full body tingling sensation of seratonin building up in my depleted brain. It reminds me of the full moon desert raves I used to go to circa 1993. I hope all that MDMA (I only did it like five times) isn’t what’s made my spine all fragile.
I’m feeling better tonight. I’ve been alone all day. Had a visitor briefly. D’s at a friend’s birthday party. There’s a Hepburn Tracey movie on that I’m sort of ignoring.
Jung says, "haste is the devil" and that sure is true. I made a hasty decision to have surgery and now I’m paying for it. I’ve found a number of studies that say if I can just ride the pain out I’ll be good in two years and pain free in ten. If I can hang onto this disc long enough, avoid a fusion, there’s a good chance there will be a stem cell treatment option by then. When I meditate, the answer comes back, "you’ve made the right choices, stay with your plan but be patient. Gentle, slow, plant the seeds and don’t rush them."