Come on home girl, he said with a smile

A friend request sent without putting thought into it, and hours later a message from him …

“Well, isn’t this embarrassing. There’s a certain familiarity that is swirling around in my brain, but………for the life of me I cannot seem to remember who you are. I blame the years of substance abuse that has probably destroyed my short-term memory. I considered being all cool and saying “HEY HOW ARE YOU!” but then would have probably just made an even bigger ass of myself. So….help?”

My heart feeling that familiar twinge, so unwanted but still so expected … and my reply:

“OK, kind of funny more than embarrassing … because the second I send that friend request I thought ‘Oh god, like he’s going to remember some 20 year old twerp who had a not-so-secret crush on him in Duluth in 1988.

Um, let’s see … every time I hear Heart do “Magic Man” it makes me think of you. But that probably makes me sound like a stalker (thanks, Facebook). Everything I love about baseball is because you taught me the game. I think this picture was from around that era, maybe this will jog a neuron into firing … “

And then him again …

“Really? YOU had a crush on ME? Are you sure? What the hell was I thinking? Is it too late?

Boy, I’m really sorry to tell you that while still swirling around in those “looks and sounds familiar” dark web-ridden recesses of my mind, I just can’t seem to put my finger on it. So to speak.

Cold late night so long ago, when I was not so strong you know.

Stalkers are underrated.”

And there was some unimportant blah blah blah here too … and then:

Me: I have to admit that I’m a little sad that you don’t remember me.

Him: Not nearly as a sad as I am, I can assure you of that. Yep. It’s official. I am an idiot. I am so sorry.

I feel like I’ve been waiting 23 years for that apology. And what brings on that slight ache, that little stab that somehow, in some fucked up, barely post-adolescent way feels good … I didn’t want an apology.

I just wanted to be remembered.