Venturi’s Day Planner

In which our Hero has an afterthought afterwards on afterburners

I was prompted to write by a moment that in the writing I decided to shy away from. Yet lying in bed, trying to force myself to let go of awake, I’m thinking and it seems I’m not so much done as I thought I was.

It’s the end days of 2013. Just over two operational weeks remaining before management withdraws for the winter break and we sail a ballistic arc for a while. THe obvious transition is that I’m once again at the tail end of my contract and waiting with mounting irritation for my contract to be signed. Next year is shaping to be a radically different working experience, and one that seems more likely than not to take away the comfort that justifies my complacent endurance of the daily grind. It’s not certain, right now, however, so I’m somewhat at a loss. My whole life is Schrodinger’s cat. I have a job next year and I don’t have a job. It will be the exact same under completely different circumstances, maybe, or not.

And then there’s my relationship that looks so perilously like it isn’t one. It has not changed for quite some time. It has not changed and yet it has. Nothing big, nothing that I would point to as progress, nothing I’d tell Hollywood to take the worry out of his eyes. Hence nothing I felt worth writing about in my previous entry. Yet…

The elements of my life seem to be converging, not so much on each other but at least on one answer rather than many. As is the way, everything seems to speed up in the process. I don’t know what the outcome is.

It doesn’t matter either. I just want to record that today something changed. Something changed.

Fortunately I’m so far deprived of sleep that I can blame that for my incoherence.