Pinky Swearing
In which our Hero is ready for High Tea or High Assassinations, because everything is classier with your little finger out
So, I have no idea what I did to my pinkie. Fact, there is a definite and incontrovertible “Effect,” in that my finger had swollen up into a sausage of agony. This from a starting point of “Hmm, sore” to “Ouchy ouchy” to the high point where I could wrap my finger in snow and not feel the cold as it melted around the radiant blob of turgid flesh that was my formerly dainty little finger.
My one moment of brilliance was taking my iron ring off while I (barely) could, while my finger was only about 20% wider than normal. I call the end state sausage finger, but, centered around the specific joint like that, it looked more like giant large beetle larvae (of the variety that you used to be able to watch Bear Grylls snack on, before he pissed off his Discovery Channel0 masters (And obviously before they kissed and made up so they could do a new show)). Meanwhile my finger just continued to swell and generally be uncomfortable. So I queued up for the doctor.
Who was a complete and utter fucking asshole. I *get* that he has to palpate to assess the situation. I get that he has to flex and extend around the afflicted joint. I get that he has to squeeze on different axes to get more information.
But for the love of flying spaghetti monsters, “Does it hurt more when I squeeze this way” (sides) “or this way” top-to-bottom? And to help me narrow it down, he just kept on alternating, squeeze-squeeze-squeeze-squeeze-squeeze.
Except here’s how it worked from the inside: “Does it hurt more this way” [knives, salt, and fire] or this way [still knives, salt, and fire]… [still burning] [still burning]. Frankly, he’s lucky I was too much torn between the conflicting impulses to just take my hand away or else to slap his stupid-ass face a few times for being such a complete and utter dumb-ass.
“I don’t know,” I answered in a calm, even voice that seemed unaffected by the tears of pain starting to gather at the corner of my eyes. “You’re going so fast I can’t tell the pains apart.”
In the end, I didn’t kill him. In the end, he identified his guess, which requires me to have attempted to stop a moving car with my extend pinkie, which is technically within my job description as a ninja, but beyond my skill level, and more important, SOMETHING I WOULD HAVE NOTICED!!!!!
But after he sent me on my way, I went to look at the drugstore selection of splints. And both of them were unsuitable. One is… long. Like statistically anomalous, possibly non-human long. And the one that’s pinkie-length is also a steel reinforced monstrosity that would require my little finger to be broken sideways to leave enough room between fingers.
I am wearing a splint now. It’s a home-brew from a small thin strip of stainless steel we cut to length. There’s a slight negative bend at the joint, just to force things true despite the swelling. And things are better, since. The swelling went down, and mornings and nights, when I take off my medical appliance so my finger can have some exercise, it’s generally able to move fully. I can make a fist, if I am patient.
So maybe it’s whatever the doctor thought it was. Or it’s just sort and healing. Going to ultrasound it to find out. In the meantime… for now, I eat my burgers like I drink my tea; pinkie extended like I’m sitting with the Queen.
And if anybody asks me what happened… I’m going to say “Fight Club.”
This entry doesn’t appear in Bookmark. I won’t’ve known it if you didn’t RYN me on the other topic we’re discussing. You might have to edit its title..
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But you’re not supposed to talk about that! I’m sorry the doctor got rough with your pinky. ryn: Thank you. I’m just glad I got the jump on you this year. It was a nice weekend with lots of food but only a few people – just how I like it.
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Showed in my bookmarks. Maybe give up Fight Club and go with the less rambunctious Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
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you could have buddy splinted it.
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Those splints are meant to do everything from go from the base of your palm to up and folded over the finger, dear, depending on the extent of one’s injury. Though being a ninja, I realize you’d not be familiar with such things, as ninjas generally don’t get injured. Not so far as anyone can see, anyway.
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I always go with “bar fight” whenever I or the kids have a visible injury. I hope your pinkie heals up soon, what a nuisance!
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THAT WOULD BREAK THE FIRST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB. *facepunch*
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I finger there’s a good digit pun in there but you don’t need my SA comments. 🙂 I can feel your pain – I had similar poking, prodding and pulling with a frozen shoulder a few years ago. Gah. Healing thoughts.
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I hope your finger is better soon–our son cut the tip of his finger off when showing a person working in a restaurant when our son was the manager how to cut vegetables safely! He looked away when a crisis in another part of the kitchen occurred and as he was whisking through the demonstration…well you get the picture. What was tomato and what was…well, him. My doodles started outwith vines and flowers, moved to sets of straight lines and by now I admit have rules regarding things like tiny loops of scribbling and then no areas touching that are blacked in and such..titles, yes, that too. Nice if they look like art, of course. Thanks.
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RYN: You are punny! Groan. I’ve only had my N7 a few weeks and the best thing I’ve done is discover how to request the desktop site in Chrome. Almost always works though a few insist on treating me like I’m on a phone. I’ve also had that “will not turn on thing” and googled the solution and it has not happened since. I do love it! How is your battery life? I’ve neverattempted to run it out but doing the math on what is left suggests 8-10 hours depending on what I’ve been doing.
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A very informed note, Serin, and thank you.
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Oh ho, based on Dallandrah’s note, you now need a face splint. And you thought a PINKIE splint was bad. *shakes head sadly*
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ryn: i was shocked seeing the ending. I read that those in america watched that episode before Christmas last year, and they wrote they were angry Julian Fellowes (the writer) spoiled their Christmas when Matthew’s character was killed off. There’s no way to revive Matthew unless Downton meets Walking Dead ;P
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r: i am gonna miss his soft smooth hair 🙂
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