Back to the Ow-ture

In which our Hero reaches for a seat too far with a bag too heavy

So my original title for this one was going to be “Internal Back All Ow Real Heat” and it seems a shame to just throw it away, so I’ll share the suffering

All I did was put my laptop bag in the passenger seat. I admit, my car feels new to me, so I lift it clear of the center console rather than scratch it up, but I’ve done that repeatedly. And I’ve got a *little* extra weight, only because I’m carrying my power supply but that’s like and extra pound at the most. So I don’t really understand what caused it but in any case:

With my right arm done extending
and my laptop bag descending,
and my left hand slowly pull shut the auto’s door
came the very surprised learning
of the sensation of burning
in a spot of my middle back that had become very sore
Dropped the bag and moved then flinched, yes certain very sore

(Sorry, I don’t really know why my brain does that)

But in any case, it was eerie in that it was just one particular muscle or set of muscles in the whole of my back, and I seemed to be okay, so I backed up the car, pulled out of the driveway and felt a twinge. And honestly, for driving into the morning rush hour, a back injury is really something that should be respected, but on the other hand, this week is an exception at work and I’m spending my time at a different site and am not just required to be there, I’m also paying good money for the privilege.

So fine, it’s sore, but I can manage, I’ll just use shorter motions when I turn, I know how to drive that way.

Except I got to the end of the street and swing to the right and PAIN PAIN PAIN. I’m actually pretty good at keeping my hands on the wheel in the face of a number of strange events and distractions, but that fight-or-flight reflex fires ahead of the brain and an unexpected spike of pain demands the body try to get away. So I hate to admit this, but it’s probably more luck than skill that I kept on the turn, and it was a wider turn than I’d taken the previous days.

And I drove on, reassessing my capability and replaying the route in my head to see if I had time to slow down at the turns without getting rear ended, and if I could make the lane changes on the freeway and if I needed to just abort and go home.

Cue big dumb boy brain.

Because by the time I’d gotten a few blocks further, the pain was… well not gone, there was a sore area, but it wasn’t actively hurting and it’s not like I was lifting anything, and I could reach all the controls of the car so I could turn. So I continued to the on ramp, a slow rightward cloverleaf.

Which is when I discovered that no, things had not gotten better and I was in literally breathtaking pain for the slow grand loop. This time, at least, I wasn’t completely surprised so vehicle control was not impaired but… my entire route was all right turns.

On the plus side, I did figure out that if I tensed my entire torso, it provided enough structure that centripetal acceleration on the turns wouldn’t load the injured muscle. Which, all in all, was a rather more intimate an anatomy lesson that I really needed to start my day.

The injury itself is kind of interesting. Because usually when you hurt your back, it’s a) related to an activity and b) it’s most often symmetric. At least in my experience. This was random, and absurdly specific. In fact, it was lighting up the area that was one of the two and a half muscles of the back I know by name: Latissimus Dorsi. (I don’t remember if the deltoids count as a back muscle or not so I’m calling that a half. And the trapezius, thank you Frank Miller.)

In any case, the pain is all specific to that one area, that one muscle, that one range of motion. Today, the day after, now there’s pain, and additionally stiffness, making an unresponsive patch in my back that complains like an old man when the other muscles scramble across the lawn. (Yes, I realize I’m accusing only one of my muscles of being old)

Okay, this pain has been attention grabbing and hugely curious for me, but it’s probably not nearly as interesting an entry for you, Gentle Reader. Especially when the short version of this goes, “Ow my back, ow ow ow ow ow!”

So, to make up for it, here’s a joke that’s been making me laugh:

The Past, the Present and the Future walk into a bar. It was tense.