The Forty-Eighth Ronin

In which our Hero’s paranoia discovers he inadvertently tied his shoelaces together before the race began

I used to be a desktop computer kind of guy. I mean, I’ve had a laptop for the last (mumble) years, but it was always the secondary, the freeze-dried version of the real thing. Because I’d go back to my desktop computer when I needed real juice. But as with many people, the laptops stopped being grimly tolerable and a few laptops ago, I realized that there just wasn’t as much of a point to installing everything twice.

So I didn’t retire my desktop consciously, but I stopped upgrading them. And then I borrowed the power cable for something. And the network cable for something else. And I used some of the drives to test things. And so on. To the point that what used to be my main PC hasn’t been powered on in at least 4 years and serves primarily as a keyboard stand.

The other thing is that there’s been a big change in the interfaces. Basically, the hardware is designed around assumptions. So back in the day, Bill Gates said nobody needs more than 640k of ram, so computers just couldn’t go past that. Originally hard drives couldn’t be bigger than 32 megs because the computer didn’t know how to address anything bigger. Similarly, the connectors changed, and the power supplies changed. All of which meant that instead of just moving half of my hardware into the new pc, I’d have to replace a whole lot of stuff. And the laptop really did the job, so why bother.

Actually, the laptop has been at the heart of my web for a long time now. It’s not only adequate, it’s somewhat the heart of my computing environment. If something goes wrong, I work from my laptop to connect, diagnose, replace.

In the meantime, because I’m not traveling, I wiped my netbook from a backup-machine-for-work to a talk-to-my-girlfriend machine. Because I’ve got other backups. And similarly I wiped my mac to put a new OSX operating system, because it’s my mac, I don’t use it for anything serious. And I’ve got other backups. And then I needed to reinstall my machine, and I’ve got this spare drive I’ve been using to make copies of my files and heck I’ve got other backups, right?

Which brings us to the burst of heat and flickering that was my laptop dying.

There are lots of reasons computers fail. Easy to corrupt your software, I’m sure you’ve reinstalled things more than once, Gentle Reader. Hard drives fail. Batteries stop charging. A usb port will stop working or break lose. The back light dims or goes uneven. And then there are the major failures. Like when you drop it and stare in horror at the star-shaped wound in the middle of the glass. Or when the smoke spews out of the vent.

Or in my case, when the screen only gives me a horizonal line. And the external display is… well for lack of a better term, snowy.

Reboot and…. same.

Cool, reboot and…. same.

Fuck.

I’m an independent contractor. That means that I provide my own tools when I work. I mean sure sometimes a client may provide machines, but on the average, I’d rather have my own laptop than theirs. But on the other hand, it means that if I don’t have my own tools, I cannot appear to work. And without the perception of work, I cannot bill.

(Just so we’re clear, I work the hours I bill. But sometimes I don’t work them in the times I bill them.)

So I need a laptop, running the tools that I need to get to the systems, files and people I need. And it just blew up.

No problem, that’s why I have my netbook. Screen sucks but I have an external at work I can use, and it’s already set-up for… oh crap, I wiped it.

Well, okay. I’ll work from home using my Mac and… oh no I wiped it.

Okay. I have an old spare laptop from 2003, it was usable then. Except I forgot somewhere that I took out the RAM so it’s below the usable threshold for windows. And it’s not connecting to USB correctly so I can’t copy my files off.

Well, that I can use the Mac. Wait, the hard disk is corrupted. Oh well, I have a backup of all the files. Which I wiped to reinstall and…

So for the last week, I’ve been trying to do three things: Get my old laptop running enough to fake it, find some way to get my files back, and get a more permanent solution going.

With respect to the old laptop, I’ve got it up to its maximum of 2gigs of ram. And it’s back to where I remembered, which is usable. Not great, but quite usable. (Actually, surprisingly usable, I’m pleased to have my old friend back)

With respect to the files, I’ve been going through various torturous attempts to recover my files and spent most of the weekend doing recovery operations. In the end, I’ve lost two pictures and have to reinstall a software package.

With respect to the new laptop… well, that’s complicated. [Extended rant about computer brands deleted] Ordering a new one would take two weeks. So I decided to just pay for the service on my laptop. And that’s when I discovered I could buy a new warranty.

So, today, a crotchety older man showed up at my house, replaced my laptop motherboard, and here I am. Ronin is dead. Long live Ronin.

By the way, I did end up using the Mac as my main machine for a few days, just because I didn’t have any other options. And even though I’ve used a mac with reasonable satisfaction for a few years occasionally, as a primary machine, I hated it.

It’s like playing fetch with a brain-damaged dog. The dog is playing his heart out. And it’s not a lack of affection. But sometimes you throw the ball and the damned thing comes back with mouthful of turd, looking at you with all the pride in his little misguided heart.

Bad Lion.