And no one would have to get nailed to anything

In which our Hero thinks that this time he’s got himself carded just right

Alright. I don’t know if I’m done or not. And honestly, I’ve got backup plans up the wazoo because I’m not feeling confident enough to say that I am done or not. And some of those backup plans kicked in after I’d given up altogether. But since I feel the need to write and have nothing less embarrassing to talk about, I hereby declare that version 9 in the three year saga of trying to create my corporate brand has been completed and sent to the presses. And now there’s nothing left but to sit and wait for the outcome.

It’s sad, really. Three years to figure out a business card. So far. You’d think this would be easy, but it turns out that I’m really kind of picky. Or indecisive. Or immature, possibly. But basically, I keep designing logos and glyphs and then hating them a few weeks later. The very best was honestly the idea I had way back at the beginning, before I got distracted by cartoons. Except I can’t use it because it involves foreign characters and that would make it much too much like the millions of woman who cleverly and cutely have tattooed “Peace” or “Love” on their bodies without ever realizing that the actual symbol means something different, like “stupid” (or “soup” if you’re a fan of the Big Bang Theory).

And ever since I’ve been iterating through variations that were too blatant, or too confusing or too didn’t-make-it-past-the-people-i-showed-it-to. This is my third attempt to go to print, so what’s that ratio, 1-in-3 that I even thought were worthy of ink? It’s agonizing, and as much as it bothered me, I decided it was time to seek outside assistance.

Except that it turns out that about 110% of the people I know who do graphic design are busy. Or just didn’t feel like getting back to me. Leaving me stuck without a logo. (And no more enamored of creatives as professional contact than my charming experiences with “pro” web-designers had left me. The halfwit hotdoghumpers.)

A brief exploration of some of the freelance sites left me with no confidence of being able to talk to people to figure out what and how to engage with them. I don’t mind paying good money for a designer I’m comfortable with but I don’t see a mechanism to gain that comfort without paying for a few hours of time from each candidate. And while I don’t want to ask for free work, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for a conversation to start with.

So I tried a hail-mary kind of idea. Something that might get me access to the kind of talent I need but starting with a conversation. And there, I know specifically why those sorts are busy, and I’m okay with that.

But it still bugs me. I may not be artistic or creative, but I’m not…. not those things. And it’s my logo, and it’s my identity, and shouldn’t I be able to come up with something that I don’t hate? I don’t mind if the problem is learning the tools, I’m happy to hire an expert there, but the concept… how can I be stuck on the concept?

Which is why my desk at work has a scrap paper pile, and then hidden in a corner is a stack of pages covered in doodles, the way little kids practice signing their name, over and over, except mine are sequences of logo concepts. Pen sketches. If they were interesting enough, I’d try to duplicate them in Photoshop. And then I’d hate them again.

But the latest doodle actually was improved by going into Photoshop. And then when I mocked it up into a card, it looked great. And it looks exactly like what I want it to, but abstract enough that it’s not blatant. So I put together a card in Photoshop, and that kept turning out pixellated when I changed the size. Which meant I had to learn enough Illustrator to make a vector version of the logo. And then after I got the card all done I discovered I couldn’t get the output file exactly right. So then I taught myself enough Illustrator to do the whole thing there.

Once again, my indecisiveness has resulted in a variety of titles, including Consultant, Consulting Engineer, Systems Engineer, Systems Architect, Director of Operations for those dressy occasions… *and* Freelance Genius, to make up for the rest.

Still, on the whole, it seems to have worked. The output files look more or less correct. The settings I needed appeared in the places I think I needed them. The previews looked right on the site I was ordering from. Unfortunately, I couldn’t bring myself to spend much in shipping, so I’ll be waiting something like a month to see the results.

Despite that, it feels big. It feels like I’ve cracked this. Like instead of it being a “test” card, this time it’s a real card that I can use for a while. Though I admit, I only ordered 50. (Given that historically I’ve used more cards for building paper toys or as coasters than for business cards, it seems reasonable.)

Feels like a weight off my back. Now to catch up on all the other sundry.