storyofagirl

I’m just plain old boring Angel, I feel like being honest and boring in this entry.

And it wont take long, we both knew this
Well I wasn’t quite prepared
For my center of dying, the heart of your pain
All my words get lost and I cant speak
Got my head stripped down well I get weak
And the words fall out like forever december
But soon it won’t matter cause she wont mean nothing

I figured out today I must have a pretty impressive job for someone my age, any time I tell someone I am the “Manager of special programs at a major web hosting company” they always ask me “how old are you?” “24” “wow, that’s amazing”

I don’t think so.

I had to claw my way to this job, I have been working since I was 16, and I deserve this job.

It just wears me out. I work 50-60 hours a week I am tired. I live and breathe my company, I believe in it.

I will never leave it, unless I find one that pays me better, because it’s all about the Benjamin’s and I have a car note.

I want to buy an altima; I’m going to go look at cars this weekend.

Its funny cuz two years ago, I remember going to a job interview at universal studios and feeling like I was too good for that kind of job, I hate saying things like that makes me sound like a snob.

Of course *sigh* I want to move to London for a few years, I feel like I have to do all the living that my dead siblings never did.

And globes and maps are all around me now
I wanna feel you breathe me
Globes and maps I see surround you here
Why won’t you believe me?
Globes and maps they charter your way back home

Do you wanna leave or somethin?

You don’t really pick your future you sorta just become it. You wake up one day and realize “holy crap I’m a grown up”. I really didn’t mean for that to happen.

My co-workers call me fearless, And I don’t have no fear, I’ll take on any man here, Who says that’s not the way it should be but there are things that scare me more than anything. Flying, I have a love/hate relationship with it; I love the freedom I hate having no control over if I live or die. Commitment I was talking with Tieko about commitment, I was so freaked out I started hyperventilating, and my palms started sweating. Dying before I do everything I want to do, Lucas told me once “you’re pretty much going to die and not do everything you want…” oddly enough I was trying to talk him out of smoking, or was it talk me into smoking? you know that I could crush you with my voice

I don’t even know if I want to be “manager of special programs” forever, if I go back to school, it won’t be for a degree, it will be for fun. I would love to work in television again, the rush of directing a show that was broadcasting live in indescribable. But the down side is waking up at an ungodly hour, being totally drained by the end of it.

I am the most fearless uncertain person I know.

Surprise surprise, I miss your hair, you miss my eyes And all this solitude is my confidence eroding

Everyone I know is on a P->A->T->H or has at least made a flipping decision, I am forever on the fence about my personal life. As long as I can hide in fancy words no one will catch on that, I never really made a choice. I always figured the choices would be made for me eventually.

god, if you don’t want me to eat these cookies give me no sign whatsoever and it will be done.

*Angel*

ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone, and he’s always gone too long..