Two-Headed Boy Pt. II *edit

yesterday i deleted my Facebook and am quite proud of myself, having decided that it was better to cut off the festering, gangrenous limb and let the stump heal. that is about the tiny extent of my Luddite tendencies, but it fits with my general philosophy of aloofness and anti sociability. wicked as it is, FB is making me wait 2 weeks before actually deleting my information, a stratagem not doubt concocted to tempt me to reactivate my profile in a moment of weakness. i will not – i can not – let the bastards win.

…

i’m SO glad the semester is almost over. trying to explain Martin Heidegger’s metaphysics to my Existentialism class was impossible enough, but some of them at least gave the appearance of engaging with the material. ‘Explain’ really isn’t the right word because that implies I understand something beforehand, when in fact i’m puzzling shit out as i go along.

i was always terrified of public speaking too, which might have something to do with why i was such a poor thespian in high school. i don’t know how i really manage teaching other than to say i enter a kind of fugue state wherein my sense of crippling shame and embarrassment is temporarily suspended.

next semester i’m committed to teaching 2 more classes, both Intros goddammit. oh well. it’s a part-time job where i don’t have to try very hard and am given an undeserved amount of deference. everyone assumes i have a doctorate and calls me Professor Rice.

speaking of which, i’m applying to a few schools for next fall, hoping to start a doctorate program in Philosophy or English Lit. but i won’t go if i’m not offered a paid assistantship. i have too much student debt already and the job market is growing in bleakness with every passing day.

last week my ex, who is living in Berlin, texted me about one of my students, Emily. she suggested that i fail her if possible because supposedly Emily had told some people about a recent pregnancy scare she’d had. i will never understand the dark depths of female cattiness. of course, i’m sure not ALL women are total psychopaths… at least i’m pretty sure.

…

i decided i need to end things with Laine, and soon. she’s nice enough, and intelligent, but verily i could not be LESS attracted to her physically. i’m worried that she’s going to ask me why i want to cut things off and i won’t have an answer that doesn’t confirm my suspicion that i am human garbage.

if i’ve been stringing her along at all, it’s because her clear attraction to me has done good things for my ego. despicable, no? i think so too.

…

i finally saw The King’s Speech on Netflix and really loved it, enough to watch it 2 more times. this kicked off a small interest in British period dramas which eventually found me watching the first season of Downton Abbey which i’d been encouraged to check out for ages. it drives me crazy when a show’s plot can be engrossing despite being stuffed with melodrama, poorly written, and cartoonishly overacted. i guess it qualifies as a guilty pleasure.

but all my pleasures are guilty these days, so i suppose it’s nothing unusual.

…

as you know i can’t help talking about new music that excites me. please bear with.

i think James Blake is brilliant as a DJ and producer, but really kind of boring when he’s just singing and playing the piano. his CMYK EP is probably my favorite. Mount Kimbie, Joy Orbison, Jamie xx, and especially Untold are other new favorites of mine making what has been termed "post-dubstep": deftly syncopated slightly off-center percussion, clicks and cuts, chopped and distorted vocal samples, and of course all that wonderfully deep wobbly bass. 

      *EDIT – i misspoke. CMYK is alright, but his new EP ‘Love What Happened Here’ is superior by several orders of magnitude. also ‘Air &             Lack Thereof’, and ‘The Bells Sketch’ round out my top 3.

i’m also late to the party in discovering Luomo, whose album Vocalcity came out 10 years ago and is crazy brilliant. Microhouse one might call it.

worlds away from EDM as he is, i was fortunate enough to score a ticket to see Jeff Mangum at Augusta’s own (and really only) gorgeous building, the Sacred Heart Cultural Center. His band Neutral Milk Hotel made one of the best most iconic albums of the last 20 years, In the Aeroplane over the Sea. this was a huge surprise because the guy is a hermit with a Brian-Wilson-level of instability who NEVER tours AND he’s touring small towns and venues. i get wet just thinking about seeing him perform in January (without having to drive hours out of town to do so). was that a gross image? sorry.

i managed to draw the ire of everyone’s best friend, Ashleigh bin Field. she left me this love note:

 

Liberals never have experience with other races. they are all talk, no action.

Unlike the "evil" Conservative with a black boyfriend —-> [Ashleigh bin Field]

 

i have no idea what prompted her to talk about race. i just noted on her recent entry that the Bureau of Labor Statistics found that the U.S. added 146,000 jobs last month. i wish i could help myself from participating in political debates. no one ever changes their opinions; rather the opposite happens, they get defensive, angry, and even more convinced of their opponents’ ignorance/wickedness than before. i just can’t stand anyone with such a slavish devotion to party over principle.

i even bore myself debating this bullshit.

…

and i’m still attending AA meetings, though i am a habitual wagon-faller-offer. i’m not sure i’m really an alcoholic. as Cartman might say, i think i just rack disciprine!