awesome sauce

 

Saturday I DRANK A BEER for the first time in 88 days. Ben had come in from New Orleans and we decided to check out the local nightlife… if one may even call it that in a depressing midsize town like Augusta, GA. I took a xanax before heading downtown and we chose indifferently to occupy the Stillwater Taproom.

 

I drank one beer that night, and was sort of puzzled by the absence of the guilt i had expected to rack me. even if i’m not binge drinking or even getting drunk, i don’t believe i’m okay with drinking at all – especially after having abstained completely for 3 months. this is when an alcoholic says to himself

"Maybe I actually am capable of drinking in moderation –  like a normal person! I am perfectly capable of drinking responsibly once in while without causing irreparable harm to myself and others!"

Naturally, this sort of reasoning is expected of alcoholics. It’s widely regarded as a symptom of their disease.

 

I only had the one beer; i nursed it and didn’t cop a buzz. of course, i’m aware that i’m flirting with the slippery slope (and mixing metaphors) and now will begin to imagine that if i can handle one i and handle two, and so on… therefore i am heretofore rededicating myself to AA (but not picking up another white ‘surrender’ chip, as i do not consider this a true relapse. feel free to judge otherwise if you wish).

But imagine a scenario in which a person attends an AA meeting because she thinks, but is unsure, that she may be an alcoholic. My point is this: whether she admits or denies being an alcoholic, by AA’s logic both answers dictate that she has a problem and should commit to AA and work the 12 Steps.

 

but i’ve also been unfaithful to AA in other ways, specifically by indulging in a few of what are euphemistically referred to as "Non-AA-Approved Substances". mostly pot, but also the occasional prescription meds, xanax being an example.

while Ben and I were sitting at the bar at Stillwater two girls came up to us and one of them was absolutely convinced that she knew me from somewhere. her friend didn’t talk very much, but the first girl and i talked for a minute about how i definitely was and is not an acquaintance of hers.

she ended up giving me her phone number completely unsolicited – which was cool because that doesn’t happen to me on the regular – but i didn’t really get her name; Ben told me later he thought it was Megan. i texted her on Monday and she didn’t remember meeting me, having been more drunk than she let on at the time.

her name turned out to be Laine, though she does goes by Megan with a very small set of people. she really wanted to chat with me in person so Tuesday i met her back at Stillwater where i ended up having 2 BEERS. Oh, my feet of clay!

"Ah Bartleby! Ah humanity!"

 

my Introduction to PHIL class is going terribly. no one can seem to grasp the grammar of their native tongue let alone develop coherent arguments. my Existentialism students are better for the most part; they’re definitely more interested on average than the retards in Intro 😉 i say special Kudos to them; the readings i assigned even i found not a little difficult to understand at times.

[my iTunes is on shuffle and Nirvana’s acoustic version of ‘Something in the Way’ is on right now. the song is kidnapping me, throwing me in the trunk, and taking me to a dark dark place.]

i bought a qtr oz of ganj from my friend Kyle and thus arrived late to the 8:30pm AA meeting tonight. on the sunny side, i sat next to and later chatted up a super-hot shorty Gabby; and by shorty, i’m being literal: girl is not 5 feet tall. i think she’s half black.. maybe a quarter white and latino. but she fine is all i sayin’.

i’ve also been crushin’ pretty hard on this girl Chelsea. she’s 23 & has a bf but is tall and pretty and pretty interesting. though she has the common habit of raising her tone of voice at the end of sentences. like she starts talking at a lowish register and ends higher, kind of like she’s always about to add something else.

she goes to ASU where i’m teaching 2 philosophy classes. by a freakish coincidence my two classes are back to back during the same time she’s sitting in a classroom directly across the hall. she seems to really like me but of course then again she has a stupid boyfriend.

here is a picture of me at the annual St. John’s / Naval Academy croquet match, traditionally a Gatsby-type affair. i believe some of my admirers of the fairer sex variety requested to see my bowtie.