the howling fantods

how does a person delete his diary by accident, you ask? it’s actually quite simple; some time ago i had the idea of creating a second diary whose diarist would have a different style and personality. then this fictional diarist and i would note each other for fun. perhaps i have too much time on my hands.

this other person’s handle was ‘Paraquat.’ i soon grew tired of the idea and resolved to delete poor Paraquat before he had a chance to write a single entry. doing this, i somehow managed to delete Zeno and he become a needless casualty. to say i was ‘disheartened’ would be putting it mildly. i was frustrated and had trouble mustering the will to write this entry. anyway here it is.

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my two philosophy classes began two Mondays ago. i wore dress clothes and a bowtie the first day and looked very sharp indeed. on the minus side i was underprepared and the university bookstore had not ordered any of the books i told them to order BACK IN JUNE. my students were very confused because not only were the books not there but my courses weren’t even listed on the shelf so everyone was in the dark. i was pissed.

i talked to the lady in charge of ordering book requests and she admitted that she "dropped the ball." most of my books, including the ones we were beginning the semester with, came in last Thursday.

even though i looked dapper and handsome i was nervous the first day. i handed out syllabi and tried to engage my students a little bit, talking about it and asking them what their impressions were of Philosophy. everyone was mostly concerned about the book situation and, even though it wasn’t my fault, it made me look bad. my classes are small in size and i look kind of young to be a college instructor. i was sweating a little too. but since then my classes have gotten better. Students are engaging with the material, especially in my upper level Existentialism class.

i’ve also been reading Plato’s Hippias Major with my favorite mentor, Woody Belangia. we were meeting about once a week to have lunch and talk about it. now we’re going to start on Plotinus, a 3rd century ‘Neo-Platonist’ philosopher whom i’ve never read before. i have the peculiar disposition by which this sort of thing is stimulating and fun for me.

right now i’m jammin’ out to Four Tet’s song "My Angel Rocks Back and Forth." it boasts some cool beats and a rhythmic harp melody on top of them. it’s beautiful.

i’ve been a little starved for new music lately. i hate the new Yeasayer album but i discovered a new EP by a couple of DJs that go under the moniker TNGHT. it’s like IDM crossed with colon-shattering, bass-heavy hip-hop beats. there are no vocals and that’s good because there’s so much going on in the music that vocals would just be a distraction.

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i’m still going to AA. it’s been 36 days since i’ve had a drink, and i’m doing okay. i quit cigarettes too. i’m still smoking pot and tonight i took some pills. it’s not exactly sobriety, but it’s progress.

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i got some bad news: Liz is moving away, to Columbia, SC 🙁  And this is after we had a short FB conversation which started when she wished me a Happy Birthday on 8/15. we were THIS CLOSE to getting together for a Scrabble Sesh but then she got busy getting ready to move. i can’t seem to catch a break… poor, sad, frustrated Zeno.