Day Three

Dear Lunchbuddy,

It’s day three. Today was weird. I woke up feeling fine. I slept in kind of late, and when I woke up, I didn’t hurt. I thought, "it’s too soon. I can’t be over him already." And then I thought I was losing you on my end and I got scared. And then I thought that if I can get over you that quickly, you could get over me that quickly. And if you can, is there anything left to hope for? Then I couldn’t stop crying and I wanted you so badly. But I didn’t want to weep, so I hoped to just leave a message. But my voice was cracking so I hung up. But you called right after, and then I cried on the phone with you for a while.

I just needed to know that you’re hurting too. I wanted to know that in your heart, we’re not over. I wanted to know that you’re not trying to get over me.

I told Roommate, today, that if you leave, I want you to move in with me. She said she’s perfectly fine with that. I won’t say anything more about that, because it really hurts to be hopeful.

The one thing that keeps me holding out hope right now is that I know you want me as badly as I want you and I don’t think you want things to work out at home. Call me selfish, but I hope they don’t. Big secret, eh? Anyway.

I’m going to try my hand at spell-weaving, tomorrow night. The moon is waxing and it is the 7th of the month. I think those are good signs.

I sound like I’m losing my mind. I think I am in some ways.

I just don’t know how to be without you.

P.S. When I was driving home from tutoring, I pulled up next to a nice looking guy in a nice truck. I looked up and noticed that he was picking his nose, and really going to town with it. I thought it was funny, until he ate it off his nail.