Day Six

April 9, 2006,
 
Dear Lunch Buddy,
 
It’s day six. It was actually a week ago, today, that you told me that you needed to do this. It seems like it’s been so long since we touched.
 
I feel so incredibly lonely, today. I woke up with an ache in my heart and cried for an hour before getting out of bed. My sister called me and asked me if I’d babysit tonight, and I had been looking for something to do to keep me occupied, so I said I would.
 
It’s been an adventure. Nephew would cry, so I’d get him a bottle, but while I’m doing that, Niece will get into the freezer and pull out ice cream bars. So I’ve got her in one hand and Nephew in the other, and the phone starts ringing. 
 
Niece crapped her pants twice, and both times, she pulled her diaper halfway down so that she smeared it all over herself and everything she came into contact with between the incident and me. (That includes the rug). On the one hand, she’s saying “Hey Tannah,” now, which makes me feel all squishy inside. (That’s her way of saying Aunt Oniongirl).  She’s wanting me to “come see,” and “watch this,” all the time. It’s really wonderful. 
 
Nephew is all smiles. I’ve fed him and burped him and changed him and now he’s finally asleep for the night (I hope). Niece is down, as well.
 
All day I’ve kept thinking “Lunch Buddy will get a kick out of this story.” Then I wonder if and when I’ll get the opportunity to share it with you.
 
I keep thinking that you have to hurry up and make a decision. If you don’t make it soon, the intensity of our last afternoon together will dissipate and you’ll find a way to make your life ok without me.
 
Then I realize that with or without me, you’re life isn’t ok. It won’t be with her. She’ll never put your needs ahead of her own. I just hope you realize that before it’s too late.
 
And then I think, “how could I think of moving on?” You are my soulmate in every sense of the word. You have the ability to make me think in ways I’ve never thought before. When we make love, it’s like one entity. You make me feel whole and without you I feel completely incomplete.
 
I cannot find peace or comfort, because I cannot imagine where your heart and head are. I just want you so badly. 
 
I couldn’t weave my prayer tonight… not with the candles and incense anyway. I have the rose quartz heart in my pocket though. Tonight, I’m praying that you’ll be filled up with the love you have for me and the love I have for you and that that will lead you down the right path. I’m waiting at the end of it. When you find me, you can rest your head on my breast and I’ll stroke your brow and everything will be all right. I promise. You will never once regret having chosen me.
 
With everything in me….